I've had this question asked a lot over the years because competing in fitness shows was a part of my identity for a few years. First, I do want to say that training and prepping for shows taught me a lot about myself. It cut down on poor habits that I had developed over the years. I would skip meals, under-eat, binge on junk food and drink way too many sugary Starbucks drinks. It also taught me how strength training could transform the shape of my body and body composition. It started my journey with weight lifting, personal training and healthier eating habits. Training also gave me a big boost of self-confidence and made feel me strong. Working out has vastly changed my life and given me a way to cope with stress and anxiety.
But... focusing on my body so much in such a strict manner took on a toll on my body image and I became obsessed with being lean. At times, I did not feel healthy. I was exhausted, moody, lacked energy for other commitments and was often let down by my competition results or how I placed. I suffered many periods of burnout from overtraining and not taking breaks between shows. Now I understand the importance of periodization of training and matching my dietary needs to my physical activity. Instead of just focusing on body fat and lean muscle gains.
There came a point when my body was fighting back. I was too sore to lift consistently and my hormones were very imbalanced. So I decided to retire from competing and focus on my health. I reduced the frequency of my weight lifting, focused on my form, incorporated more yoga and stretching. I changed my diet and added more healthy fats and carbs and less protein shakes. I allowed myself to have cheat meals on the weekend and worked on my "guilt" towards eating certain foods. It took time to retrain my brain from an extreme way of living to a more "normal" routine. I knew deep down that I had to make some changes, but it truly scared me more to stop training this way than to keep going. I was afraid of my body going "back to where it was," but what's 5-10 pounds vs my long-term health.
For the past 5 years I have been focused on living a balanced life. Balance is a funny thing because it is always changing based on what is happening in our lives. I have learned that healthy living is much more than exercise and clean eating. It is also about wellness, relationships and mental health. And yes, my weight and body composition has fluctuated over the years, but I know what my body needs to feel and look my best!!!
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